Happily Sad

Several of my dearest friends have given birth recently and I am so thrilled for them! I love seeing the precious newborn hospital photos, mom and baby photos, the siblings enjoying their new little brother or sister, or my personal favorite...dad rocking the baby.

As my Facebook feed has been flooded with birth stories and newborn photos I find myself feeling what I call "happily sad." I am so happy for my friends and their families. Bringing a beautiful new baby into the world is an experience unlike any other.

But can I be completely honest? I wish it were me. I wish I were the one announcing our own new ones arrival. And I'm pretty sad that it's not.

From the outside we look like we have it all when it comes to our family. As a new acquaintance recently told me, "You have a boy and girl, you're so lucky you're done!" I wish it were that easy. I wish the longing and heartache and spiritual promptings that our family is not yet complete would go away just because we happened to win the genetic lottery and get a boy and a girl out of our first two tries.

We have struggled with secondary infertility for about 6 years now. I know that doesn't seem like a long time in the big picture but it feels like forever. We are SO blessed to have our two beautiful children and I love them so much. In fact, if they weren't so dang awesome I'd probably say forget it about having anymore kids but I can't help it, ours are top notch. :) There is much more I could say on the subject of infertility. But for today I simply want to say I am happily sad, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

So, my dear friends whose homes are being blessed by these beautiful new spirits, I am so happy for you. I will "like" all of your pictures on Facebook, leave comments of congratulations, and send you handmade baby gifts. And if I'm lucky enough to live near you then you can bet I am going to INSIST that I hold that sweet baby.

But if you see a tear run down my face please know that it's just my heart trying to process and take everything in. I will be fine. The Lord has a plan even if we can't see it... and that fills me with hope.

Message in a Cough Drop

My husband bought these new cough drops which say they have "a pep talk in every drop." Kind of like Laffy Taffy or Dove chocolates but instead of jokes or messages of love it has motivational sayings.

After a bit of an asthma/coughing attack mid-sleep tonight I was feeling sorry for myself as I have been sick for a month straight.

I opened one up and it said,

"You've survived tougher." 

Picture from Sams Club Website

Talk about the right message at the right moment. It took my bedroom at 12:30 at night from being a place of whining to a place of perspective.

I HAVE survived tougher things than this. And not only have I survived, but I've grown and become stronger because of them.

Thanks Halls.

Trust the Timing Of Your Life

As part of my life long search for calm and balance in my life I have begun following Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, on Facebook. I am one of the few who has yet to actually read Eat Pray Love (it's on my Kindle, I'm working on it). However, I've heard her speak and she is so full of positive energy and perspective and really seems to have it all together.

Recently she shared this on her page after having to cancel a much looked forward to trip to India last minute after having a health issue:

This is why I follow her on Facebook, for these moments of clarity and inspiration I relate to my own life. At the time I remember thinking, "that's a really good thing to do, I should try harder to trust the timing of my life."

I even thought of my sister-in-law who within the last month has gone from having a cold, to pneumonia, to cancer. Her life was in limbo at the time already, her being between jobs and living situations, and to have cancer added on top of it all is a lot for anyone. And yet she handles it with such grace and faith and truly trusts in the timing of her life.

There are times where life hands me a bowl of lemons and I want to say, no thanks you keep them. Other times prayers are sent heavenward and seem to go unanswered without any logical reason why and I turn to sorrow.

Whatever our situation may be, good or bad, joy or sorrow there is a huge difference in just "getting through it" and really trusting it. When these waves of life come and start beating us down we might try to look out to shore for help, only to see the next wave in front of us. What we might not see is the lifeboat that is just beyond that next wave, waiting to rescue us.

We'll never get to that rescue if we panic, flail about, and fight the water just like we'll never find peace and balance in our trials if we panic and flail about and fight against them. Hold on to them, embrace them, seek help and solace where you can, and trust in the timing of your life.